


Thoughts Jumbled

by Cleem123



Category: Andi Mack (TV)
Genre: Finale spoilers, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, M/M, Tyrus - Freeform, and when i read it back in the morning i was really impressed with my sleep idled brain, andi mack finale, bench scene, finale, from like two am to four am, just me lying alone in my bed typing this out, kira's just mentioned
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-23 11:42:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20007745
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cleem123/pseuds/Cleem123
Summary: Everything that went through T.J.'s head during the b[redacted]h scene.





	Thoughts Jumbled

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for the finale, obviously. I'm going to miss this show far too much.

TJ appreciated the warmth of the fire, it calmed him down. A bit. He stood in Andi’s backyard chatting with some of his classmates.

If he was being honest, he didn’t remember their names. If he was being honest, he probably wouldn’t remember any of this conversation.

It just wasn’t important. Small talk meant nothing when his entire brain was flooding, replaying everything Kira had said.

He really can’t believe he had let himself be so fooled by her. Well, actually he can, Cyrus had said it best

_Well you can be oblivious_

but that didn’t make tonight any less world shattering.

_Why can’t you just admit what this is really about?_

TJ was lost, what did she even mean?

(He knew, of course he knew. How could he not know.)

And even if he did understand, would he ever bring himself to admit it?

(Probably not. Definitely not. Like he’d ever get the chance to anyway…).

The calming nature of the fire didn’t seem to be doing much anymore. TJ’s thoughts were a jumbled mess, and he just couldn’t stop replaying everything that had happened tonight: Cyrus dancing, Kira, Cyrus singing.

His body went through the motions: nodding when needed, smiling when appropriate; and finally sighing in relief as the others left him alone to his thoughts

He sat down on the bench in Andi’s backyard, staring into the fire, hoping that just maybe it would magically spit out a piece of paper, like the Goblet of Fire, but instead of a name, it would have the answer to all of TJ’s problems.

(He knew the answer, he had always known the answer.)

“Can I sit?”

TJ looked up, trying to mask his surprise with a smile. It wasn’t hard, he always smiled when Cyrus was around. 

“Sure.” He was still smiling. He probably looked a bit like an idiot and he was sure that Cyrus could see right through him.

“What happened to Kira?”

God no. TJ didn’t want to talk about Kira ever again. He never wanted Cyrus to think about her or about how stupid TJ acted when she was around.

(How scared he was of her.)

“I poured water on her and she melted.”

“I actually buy that.” Cyrus smiled and TJ felt his whole chest expand with feelings. It felt normal, comfortable, like it used to. It felt perfect really.

“She is not a nice person.” TJ powered through. He needed Cyrus to know, to understand that she was gone, that he wasn’t going to let her manipulate him anymore.

“You know, some people used to say that about you.”

TJ’s heart sank a little, he faltered. Cyrus was right.

(When was he not.)

TJ had been awful; the way he treated Buffy was unacceptable, but somehow even worse were his throw away comments to Cyrus.

_How about you’re not here at all?_

But he had thought, he had hoped, that they were past that. Cyrus brought out the best in TJ, made him a better person. Still, it felt pretty right that TJ wasn’t quite good enough.

(No one would be good enough for this boy.)

Cyrus clearly still thought about TJ’s past misdeeds.

“Well, sometimes there’s a nice person on the inside just trying to get out.” TJ attempted. He remembered how badly he had wanted—needed—a friend, how badly he longed to have someone like Cyrus in his life, someone he could laugh with, care for.

(Someone he could like. _Really_ like.)

Cyrus smiled, he lit everything inside of TJ. The whole world was glowing.

“I know that now. But...there are still a lot of things I don’t know.” It was TJ’s turn to smile, he was ready to tell Cyrus everything and anything he wanted to know.

“Like what?”

“Like that you play piano.”

Well, in his defense, before this party, he could probably count on one hand the amount of people who had known that. He wished Cyrus had been on that list before tonight, it didn’t feel right for Cyrus to be introduced to that side of him alongside so many other people.

He didn’t say that though.

“My mom’s a piano teacher.”

“Didn’t know that either.”

“I’m not mysterious, ask me anything.” And he meant it. He really meant it.

“Okay… what does TJ stand for?” 

Okay maybe he didn’t mean it. This was not going to end well, conversations about his name rarely did.

“Except that.” Cyrus’ face broke out in a grin. He gasped, always one for the dramatic.

“You won’t tell me your name?”

TJ scoffed, shaking his head.

“And you think that’s not mysterious?”

He wasn’t trying to be mysterious, really he wasn’t. It was just… his name was a whole thing. It always evoked a reaction, even within his own family, and TJ wasn’t sure he could handle Cyrus laughing at him.

“Okay there’s like five people in the world who know it, and they’re all named Kippen.”

His mom and dad, who had given him the mess of a name, his grandparents, who fixed the mess, and Amber, who somehow avoided the mess entirely. 

(Seriously, how did she get such a normal name??)

It wasn’t a good enough explanation for Cyrus though.

“You should know that if you don’t tell me…” The pause frightened TJ a bit, but then Cyrus leaned in, smile wide on his face, “I will be the first person ever to literally die of curiosity.”

Well damn. There was absolutely no way that TJ had the resolve to keep anything from Cyrus. Especially with how good this felt, having this conversation, just the two of them.

“Alright.. if I tell you, you can never use it.”

If he was going to do this, there had to be some rules, some boundaries. Cause like he said, his name was a whole thing.

“I won’t”

“Or tell anyone else.” 

“I promise”

“Like Cyrus, you gotta swear”

“I do. I do! I swear.”

TJ trusted Cyrus, more than he had even realized until right now. He only fell deeper as Cyrus repeated himself, softer this time

“I swear.”

“Alright. My parents are way into music, and they name you for their favorite artists.”

“That’s not so strange”

Just you wait.

“TJ stand for… Thelonious Jagger.”

It was out there now. He braced himself for the laughter. Cyrus might be the nicest person TJ had ever met, but TJ couldn’t imagine anyone hearing that name and not thinking it was ridiculous.

“Thelonious Jagger? Are you kidding?”

TJ shook his head. Cyrus wasn’t laughing though. He was smiling, sure, but it didn’t feel like he was making fun of TJ at all. It made TJ think of Kira, which was very unwelcome.

_I thought it was fun. You know there’s a difference right?_

Maybe Cyrus felt the same way about TJ’s name that TJ felt about Cyrus’ dancing.

“That is a great name! I love that name.”

(Well I love you. He’d never say it, but he always noticed the opportunities.)

“You do?”

“Yes.”

He was so genuine. TJ had always said that he hated his name, but maybe Cyrus would make him see things a bit differently. 

(Maybe he already had, TJ couldn’t hate something that made Cyrus smile. Never.)

“Well my grandparents didn’t. And they were like: ‘that’s a ridiculous name, we’re calling him TJ.’ So I’ve been TJ since I was three days old.”

TJ laughed at his own story, he didn’t think anyone would ever understand just how grateful he was for that decision. Thelonious was not the name of a confident, piano-playing, basketball team captain. It was the name of a kid who definitely got bullied.

His laughter died down, so did Cyrus’. TJ could feel the shift, he could’ve sworn the fire got warmer. Had Cyrus been facing him the whole time? His hand just lying in between them, begging to be held. So he took a deep breath, if not now, when?

“Is there anything else you want to know?”

He wished Cyrus would just ask him, ask him anything really. He would have answered with no resistance. 

Ask me what my favorite color is. It’s green, because that’s the color you were wearing when you forgave me. No one had ever done that before, I wanted to kiss you. Ask me if I like boys. Ask me how long I’ve known. Because maybe forever but not really until you told me I was normal, not broken. Ask me if I like you, Cyrus. Cause I do. I do so much it hurts sometimes, so much that my stomach drops when I see you, so much that I dream about holding your hand and putting my arm around you, hugging you without worrying that you’ll get uncomfortable and run away. Cyrus.

TJ wasn’t even sure he did it on purpose. Cyrus’ hand was just right there, and his fingers couldn’t help but try and touch. He slid his hand down his knee without looking down. He really wasn’t sure if he wanted Cyrus to notice or not.

(He did.)

“Is there anything else you want to tell me?”

That was so typically Cyrus, answering a question with a question. TJ wanted to be annoyed but really he was just so fond. And Cyrus was smiling. He had seen TJ move his hand closer but he was still smiling, that was a good sign, yeah?

“Yeah.”

He could probably back pedal if he needed to. Tell Cyrus that he just wanted to tell him about Amber or his latest basketball game or any other mundane thing. 

(But he didn’t want to. He wanted Cyrus to know. He wanted it so badly.)

“Is there anything you want to tell me?” And this was it. This was either the best moment of his life or his first heartbreak. He kind of wanted Cyrus to stop smiling; he wouldn’t be able to handle it if Cyrus tried to be kind, tried to let him down easy.

“Yes.”

TJ heard the word. He saw Cyrus’ mouth move. He processed what it all meant. And then he did the only thing that made sense, he took Cyrus’ hand, turning it up so he could fit it with his own.

Cyrus intertwined their fingers and instantly it was just that much more intense. There was no longer any ambiguity, this was them. Together. Something more than friends, something special.

(And it didn’t even matter that he had no idea what name to put to that something.)

They both smiled, chuckling, enjoying one another’s company. The fire calmed TJ down, a bit. Cyrus’ hand in his set his heart racing, but not in the bad way that Kira had so often triggered. 

This was different. This was breathtaking. This felt like swinging.

**Author's Note:**

> Well there it is! Kudos and comments are always appreciated!


End file.
